Don't Know if anyone reads this anymore

I don't know if anyone reads this anymore and things here have been a little crazy lately. In October 2007 we found out that my Dad had Lung Cancer and of course he was a diabetic and he had high blood pressure and he had 5 by passes so he was a sick man and we did not know how sick he really was. He was having Chemo done once a week and then every 4 time he would have a PET scan done to see how the cancer was responding to the Chemo and he was not getting any worse but he was not getting any better either so he was holding steady. Then he started having the shortness of breath he was getting upset and that made it worse and of course it scared him and then he would panic and he would get worse so we would have to call 911 to take him to the hospital and find out what was going on with him. Then we found out that he had CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and he was in the hospital for about a week for that he didn't have to come home with oxygen but Mom and I wished that he did so that in case he got upset he would be able to get some oxygen and not have to call 911 again. Well things got back to normal for a while and then one afternoon Dad's blood sugar bottomed out with it at 35 and he is not on Insulin either but he was taking 2 different medications instead and they had to change one of them after he had the CHF episode and we had trouble getting it regulated again he would have a real high one in the morning and really low in the evening and he would have to be told to take his medication in the evening and his famous line if he didn't take them was "I Forgot To" but he has been taking something for a long time and he would "forget" alot lately. He had a Stress Test done in August and he found out that his heart was only pumping at 40% and he was to have a Echocardigram done the following week. The week of August 21st he was acting wierd and complaining that he didn't feel good and he was not eating alot and he was not drinking alot either but he was drinking a little more than he had been. On Tuesday he told me that all he did anymore was sit in the chair and watch TV and go to doctor's appointments and he was tied of it. His blood sugar bottomed out again and he was acting weird and it was like he was drinking again and it brought alot of memories back and I think that it was weird that he was acting so weird and I took his blood sugar it was 45 and he would not take anything to bring up his sugar, he wanted to go to bed early so we all went to bed and he had promised me earlier in the evening that he would eat on Thursday ( the next day) and that made me not get on to him about the food thing and I didn't think it was odd until later on Thursday. When I got up at 5 to take the dog out to potty, I heard voices and asked if they needed help and Mom said that she did and I went into their room and Dad was on his knees with his head on the bed and Mom was in the bathroom and she was telling me what she had found when she got up. She found him sitting on the toilet and he had been there for a while because Mom tried to help him to the bed and he ended up on his knees on the bed and he was saying that he had to turn over so he could breathe and he was sweating and he was clamly so I thought his blood sugar was low again and I took it and it was a little high but not bad 182 and I got him into bed and laying down and he went to sleep for a little while and about 6:35 he got up to the bathroom and he closed the door to the bedroom and turned off the light and sat on the toilet and he was there a few seconds and he fell over on his face and I told Mom and she jumped up and I was right behind her with the phone and he was not answering us and he was not breathing at all and there was not enough room in the bathroom for us to turn him over and start CPR and I was on the phone with 911 and they were on their way and it seemed like forever for them to get here but it was only 4 minutes from the time that I firsted called and the time that they got here but it sure seemed like it was longer than it was and I was so mad and upset that I was yelling at the operator and then apologizing to her for yelling and she said that she understood why I was yelling and that it was a natural reaction to stress but I felt bad after I did it. So 911 got here and Mom told them not to do any herioics on him because he had been down to long and he would not want that and he was gone and that is the way that he wanted to go. I am angry that he left us the way that he did but that is what God wanted and that is the way that he wanted to go and it was fast and he did not suffe at all and that is all that I cared about. So he was cremated and he is here at the house with Mom and me and the 2 dogs and the bird. Mom had gotten 3 little keepsake urns and one large urn and they spllit the ashes between all the urns so we are going to take the ashes to the Keys next summer and we are going to spread them there where we spent alot of time when I wa little and we went to the same place every year and it was our favorite place to be . So life goes on and we are living each day. Dad was 73 and 1 month to the day when he died, Aug 21, 2008 and his birhtday was July 21.

Here are some pictures of the new member of our family. His name is Raz-Ma-Taz and we are calling him Taz. We got him on the 13th of February and on the 17th Mom and I were taking him to the vet. He had diarreha and I was not going to take any chances with him since he was so little. So off to the vet we go and when we get there we find out that he has a slight case of Giaradia, which is a parasite that lives in the intestines and the only way to check for it is with a special test. So the vet put him on a dewormer and antibotics. He got a dose at the vet and by the evening he was feeling better and I was happy. Then this past Sunday, we were at the vet again but this time he had a running nose and he was not feeling good at all, the vet also said that he had lost almost 1/2 pound in a week and we had to start feeding him with a syrigine if he would not eat on his own. Well, he did not want to eat at all so Mom and I had to force him to eat and he was not happy about it. I am so worried about him and I don't want and I don't want to miss anything on him since I had missed something about Boots, I am so worried that he is not getting any better and he won't eat hard food today so I had to mix up the canned food and feed it in the srygrine again. The vet wants us to feed him 4 times a day and since Sunday the most that I have been able to do is 3 and I can't do it alone since he won't sit still long enough to eat. I am trying to get him to eat more and last night he did eat some hard food and drank water but not enough to keep him going all the time. Right now he is laying on the bed sleeping so I am off to mix up his food and try again
Keep fingers crossed he is going to be all right soon

Wow what a time that I have had lately

My life has been so crazy lately that I don't know if I am coming or going.
First of all my Grandmother had been sick and in the hospital. First she was living with only 1 working kidney and the other one was blocked and the doctor's were trying to get it unblocked with medicine but her blood pressure was going up and they could not get it under control and they had talked about doing a orocedure that would unblock the blood vessels to her kidney but her age was a factor and they tried all they could without doing it and thy finally decided to try the procedure. So she goes in the hospital on Dec.5, 2006 for the procedure and it failed and she was probably going to go on Dialysis, with Grandma everything is a big deal and she was a worry wart about things, so she was in the hosiptal for about 3 weeks and they sent her to the Rehab Center to regain her strength so she could go home in the future, while in the Rehab center we think that she got pnemonia and that put her back in the hospital and for the last 17 years my Uncle has lived with Grandma and Grandpa to help them out, he was at the hospital each and every day that she was there, he was so dedicated to her during the whole time that he lived with them and I am so impressed by the way that he never complained about anything. So now that she is back in the hospital again and she is weak and not able to fight the infection off so again she is on antibotics and they had to put her on the breathing machine to help her breathe and then things got worse for her and we were called to Arkansas to see what could be done if anything. So we started making plans to drive and had to make arrangements for Boots (my dog) and Missy (the bird), the bird was not going to be a problem to board, we were going to take her the bird store that she has been boarded at before, that was not a problem. The problem was Boots, a friend was supposed to take care of her but in the meantime her dog had to be put to sleep for her health problems and Boots would be by herself all the time and she was not used to that and I didn't want to do that to her and stress her out even more, so I started calling Kennels to get a price and let them know that we didn't know what exact date that we would get back but we had to be home by Feb. 16, 2007 so finally decided on Country Kennels. That was on Tuesday and we were leaving on Wednesday morning so the animals were taken care of and now we were getting things ready to leave. We leave on Wednesday morning and we get to Arkansas on Thursday afternoon. That evening we go to see Grandma. She doesn't know that we are there and it is so hard for me to see her that way and I knew that she would not want to live that way so the decision was made between Mom and her brother that they would take her off lifr support the next day. The doctor's were very suypportive with the decision and they did what was asked of them and we didn't think that she would last the day but she was a fighter and she was moved to the Hospice floor and we thought that we would get a call that said that she was gone. On Saturday morning, my uncle called and said that Grandma was awake and talking to him and we ought to get there, so Mom and I get ready and go the hospital and see for ourselves. Grandma didn't really know who we were but when asked and told who we were she was so excited that we were there and she talked to all of us for a little while and that was a blessing to us. She was having trouble breathing and the doctor's were giving her Morphine to help with the pain and the breathing so she went to sleep and never woke up after that and she stayed with us until Monday afternoon around 4:30 my uncle called us at her home and told us that she was gone. The viewing was on Wednesday and the funeral was on Thursday morning. Grandma belonged to the Fist Baptist Church and we had so many well wishers and food.
On Friday after the funeral I got a call from the kennel saying that Boots was not her self and they had taken her to the vet and the vet they took her to said that she might have a hormonr problem or be diabetic and we told them to take her to the vet that we use so they could check her out and they did and come to find out that Boots had Cancer of the Spleen,Kidney,and the Liver and there was nothing that could be done for her and if I wanted to take her a specialist I could but she might suffer and I did not want that so she was kept comfortable until I could get back on Monday afternoon that was the 12 of Feb. So when we got home and got the car unpacked Mom and I went to talk to the vet and see if there was anything that could be done. I saw Boots and knew right away that there was something was not right and she was suffering and I was not going to let her suffer anymore and I made the hard decsion that she needed to put down. So they did that I was feeling so guilty that I was not here with her in her time of need and I was crying all the way home and I had told Mom while we were still in Arkansas that if I had to put her to sleeep that I wanted to go to the Humane Soceity and the pound to see if I could get another dog. We went to both places but all they had was big dogs and that is not what we wanted so we ended up at Petland and we came home with a 10 week old Maltese puppy that we have named Raz-Ma-Taz and we are calling him Taz. He has taken a hole in my heart and made it whole again, not saying that I don't miss Boots but Taz is helping with the grieve and I am so thankful that we got him and if we didn't get him then there were ones in the paper that I was calling about. Will post pics soon of him.
So that is what has been happening in my life and finally things are starting to get back to a normal pace and I am glad about that. Thanks for reading and Have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still deciding whether I want to be involved with the EX

I am still trying to decide whether I want to be involved with Ken (my ex husband. If he walked out on me once what is there to say that he won't do it again, he says that he screwed up the first time and he won't do it again but still in the back of my mind I am still wondering if he will do it again.
What about the Colts and the Bears? Can't believe that they are going to the SuperBowl. Way to go!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have started Quilling, got a starter kit for Christmas and I have been quilling up a storm since, it is really fun to do and there is some much that you can quill, it is unlimited to what you can do. I have tried my hand at making a Angel. I used a onion holder to make it and at first I had no idea what an onion holder was but I ordered one and decided to try it and it is really neat what you can do with it,here is a pic of the 2 Angels that I have done so far.


I ordered the tool and had no idea how to use it and I had to play around with it to learn how to do it and I am not an expert by any means but it is getting easier to make things but still having trouble making things look like the pattern that I am using and I know that every one does things differently and mine won't look exactly like the pattern but I want to make mine look close and sometimes it doesn't and that is the thing that bothers me the most and I have to remember that I am still learning and things will come easier in time. But I am trying, here are some more pictures of what I have Quilled.






Thansk for reading my blog and have a great day!!!!! Keep smiling!!!!!!!!!!:)

I feel like a teenager in high school again

Well since last week I have talked to Ken (ex husband) every single day for about an hour at the least to 3 hours at a time and we still have not run out of things to talk about. We talk about when we were married and things that we have done since we have been separated and divorced. I have asked him some hard questions that most people would avoid but he has answered them to the best that he can and I can tell when he lies because he stammers and he gets quite. But now I think that if he walked in the door and asked me to marry him again I would and that would make alot of people unhappy. My dad is not happy that I am talking to him but it is only talking right now and that is all. We talk on the phone and email and even text messages. He called New Year's Eve at 11:30 so we could ring in the New Year together and see what the new year has in store for us. I told Ken last night that I was having the doubts creeping in again and he asked why. One reason is because of the guy that I am married to and the way that he has treated me for the last 6 years and after living with someone that doesn't believe that you are in pain and tells you that it is all in your head and there is nothing wrong with you, you start to believe it and it becomes a part of you and it is hard to get rid of but I am trying to beleive that I am worthy of having someone love me for what I am and not for what I can give them in the bedroom. I asked Ken if he could live without having a sex life and he told me that sex is not what it is all about and being with me and being able to help me and hold me at night, is what he wants and if the sex comes to be part of it then so be it. I have doubts sometimes about Ken and him walking out on me again but I am not too sure that he would do that again since he said that he was stupid for walking out on me the first time and he would never do it again, he said that he wanted to take care of me but the only thing that changed in the last 12 years is that I have become very independant and able to take care of myself pretty good. We will see what happens in the future and what happens between us. We had alot of great times together and I am hoping that we are going to have alot more in the future and if we can make a go of it after being away from one another for 12 years and it seems when we talk that it has not been that long and we have picked up where we left off. I am waiting for him to call now and he will call after his dad goes to bed at 8:30 and we will talk for about an hour. Turn in for the rest of the story later

A Blast from the Past

I got a call from someone that I thought I would never hear from. The phone rang and I waited until the Caller ID came up and it said Moore, Ken and I thought what is this and answered it and he asked if this was me and I said yes and he said "Do you know who this is?" and of course I did and told him "Ken" and he asked how I knew and told hime Caller ID. So that started a 2 1/2 hour phone call. I have been thinking of him alot and I was thinking about his mom and dad, his dad is the nicest person of the face of the earth and I have no problem with him. But my ex mother in law was a different story, I did not hate the woman but I did not trust her and she was not the nicest to me at times and always talk about me behind my back. But last night I found out that she has passed away the same day that I got hurt in 2002. Ken told me that he was happy that he had called, he also told me that he had been if Florida not too long ago, and he was here in Sarasota and he didn't stop and see me and that really bother me but I understand that he didn't know if I was married or what was happening in my life. I had sent a letter to him at his last known address in Greencastle, he didn't get it but his Dad did and he kept in the bible and gave it to him last night. The whole time we were talking we both said at different times that it was so good to hear each other's voices. I had wanted to ask him a question and I finally got the nerve to ask him last night. I always wanted to know why he walked out on our marriage, he told me that he didn't know then and he still doesn't know now and it was nothing that I had done and I wanted to know if he didn't love me anymore and he said no and I believe him. He told me that he is divorced again and back in Indiana and he had lived all over the US. What is so funny is that yesterday was my 6 year anniversary to the jerk that I am still legally married to. I told him every thing that has happened to me and why I am in a wheelchair, by the end of the call I had started crying and telling him that I really wanted to see him again and if he could come to Fl and see me and I think in the near future I will be seeing him and I am sure that my Dad will have something to say about it and really don't care, I still have feelings for him and I always will. I told him that if things would of been different between us and he didn't walk out the way that he did I would of been back in Indiana as fast as I could of been but I was terrified that he would walk out on me again and I would not have anyone in Indiana except for his family and I didn't want that and I stayed in FL. Well anyway stay turned to see what happens next and what the future brings for me and Ken again.
Thanks for reading my blog!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Finally able to get back to the land of living

I am finally able to get back on the computer more than a few minutes at a time. I have been having problems with the swelling of my feet and legs so I was in bed for a lot of the day and night. Today I had to take Boots to get her shots for the year. You would think that the vet would be happy that someone was there to answer questions for them but all they did was tell me that the next time I had to drop her off and then come back at a later time and get her, but I don't like doing that because the last time I did that it ended up costing me a arm and leg to pick her up and if I am there I can tell them that I don't want to pay for that. But when you drop them they do what they want and when you pick them up you have to pay in order to have your animal back, but I had to get medicine for her ears and her HeartGuard and Advantage. When we got home, she was waiting for me to put the medicine in her ears and she took her HeartGuard and then she wanted her Begging Treats. Hopefully her ears will clear up and they will be better in a few days.
I got an early Christmas present from my Mom and Dad. I have always wanted to learn how to do Quilling so that was one of the things that I had asked for. So it came 2 weeks ago and I started learining how to do it and it is really fun and so far I have made a Sun, Roses, Daisy, Candy Canes and other things I really enjoy doing it and I can do it sitting on the bed watching TV at night. I am looking for more patterns to learn new things. I joined a Quilling group on Yahoo and have learned a few things. I have ordered more papers to do more things with and I am going to post the pictures soon.
Thought that I would update my blog and thanks for reading it.
Have a great day and remember to smile each day!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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