Don't Know if anyone reads this anymore

I don't know if anyone reads this anymore and things here have been a little crazy lately. In October 2007 we found out that my Dad had Lung Cancer and of course he was a diabetic and he had high blood pressure and he had 5 by passes so he was a sick man and we did not know how sick he really was. He was having Chemo done once a week and then every 4 time he would have a PET scan done to see how the cancer was responding to the Chemo and he was not getting any worse but he was not getting any better either so he was holding steady. Then he started having the shortness of breath he was getting upset and that made it worse and of course it scared him and then he would panic and he would get worse so we would have to call 911 to take him to the hospital and find out what was going on with him. Then we found out that he had CHF (Congestive Heart Failure) and he was in the hospital for about a week for that he didn't have to come home with oxygen but Mom and I wished that he did so that in case he got upset he would be able to get some oxygen and not have to call 911 again. Well things got back to normal for a while and then one afternoon Dad's blood sugar bottomed out with it at 35 and he is not on Insulin either but he was taking 2 different medications instead and they had to change one of them after he had the CHF episode and we had trouble getting it regulated again he would have a real high one in the morning and really low in the evening and he would have to be told to take his medication in the evening and his famous line if he didn't take them was "I Forgot To" but he has been taking something for a long time and he would "forget" alot lately. He had a Stress Test done in August and he found out that his heart was only pumping at 40% and he was to have a Echocardigram done the following week. The week of August 21st he was acting wierd and complaining that he didn't feel good and he was not eating alot and he was not drinking alot either but he was drinking a little more than he had been. On Tuesday he told me that all he did anymore was sit in the chair and watch TV and go to doctor's appointments and he was tied of it. His blood sugar bottomed out again and he was acting weird and it was like he was drinking again and it brought alot of memories back and I think that it was weird that he was acting so weird and I took his blood sugar it was 45 and he would not take anything to bring up his sugar, he wanted to go to bed early so we all went to bed and he had promised me earlier in the evening that he would eat on Thursday ( the next day) and that made me not get on to him about the food thing and I didn't think it was odd until later on Thursday. When I got up at 5 to take the dog out to potty, I heard voices and asked if they needed help and Mom said that she did and I went into their room and Dad was on his knees with his head on the bed and Mom was in the bathroom and she was telling me what she had found when she got up. She found him sitting on the toilet and he had been there for a while because Mom tried to help him to the bed and he ended up on his knees on the bed and he was saying that he had to turn over so he could breathe and he was sweating and he was clamly so I thought his blood sugar was low again and I took it and it was a little high but not bad 182 and I got him into bed and laying down and he went to sleep for a little while and about 6:35 he got up to the bathroom and he closed the door to the bedroom and turned off the light and sat on the toilet and he was there a few seconds and he fell over on his face and I told Mom and she jumped up and I was right behind her with the phone and he was not answering us and he was not breathing at all and there was not enough room in the bathroom for us to turn him over and start CPR and I was on the phone with 911 and they were on their way and it seemed like forever for them to get here but it was only 4 minutes from the time that I firsted called and the time that they got here but it sure seemed like it was longer than it was and I was so mad and upset that I was yelling at the operator and then apologizing to her for yelling and she said that she understood why I was yelling and that it was a natural reaction to stress but I felt bad after I did it. So 911 got here and Mom told them not to do any herioics on him because he had been down to long and he would not want that and he was gone and that is the way that he wanted to go. I am angry that he left us the way that he did but that is what God wanted and that is the way that he wanted to go and it was fast and he did not suffe at all and that is all that I cared about. So he was cremated and he is here at the house with Mom and me and the 2 dogs and the bird. Mom had gotten 3 little keepsake urns and one large urn and they spllit the ashes between all the urns so we are going to take the ashes to the Keys next summer and we are going to spread them there where we spent alot of time when I wa little and we went to the same place every year and it was our favorite place to be . So life goes on and we are living each day. Dad was 73 and 1 month to the day when he died, Aug 21, 2008 and his birhtday was July 21.