Today I was reading Shannon's blog and it really go me thinking about self-esteem and I came to the realization that I have absolutley no self-esteem or confidence left in my dlef and I don't know really how to get it back. I realized that I lost it when I got hurt and it continues today. I read everyone's blog from KNK and realized that no one reads mine at all, but I don't do this for anyone but me anyway. It doesn't bother me that noone reads it. :) and that is ok. :) But back to the self-esteem thing, when I got hurt I had friends that would come see me at the hospital and call me there but when I went to the rehab hospital there was only one or two people that came adn stuck by me the entire time. Susie was there so much that I had to run her off so that I could do therapy in peace and quiet and when I got home she was here until she got sick and passed away last January. (Boy do I miss her alot) She would tell me that I was the same person that I was before I got hurt that I am now and that if noone wanted to be around me then it was thier loss not mine. But now that she is gone there is no one that tells me that and right now I am so down on myself and hate everything that I am and can not believe that any one would want to be my friend. I know that I am special and I have alot to offer a friend but after being hurt by my so called friends after they just dropped me when I got hurt and could no longer do what I did and they would have to help me in and out of the car and in their houses they all decided that I was too much trouble to be around so that is how I started scrapbooking and started chatting on the message boards. On the MB no one can see that I am not able to walk unless I tell them then I became the outcast all over again and that is not fair to me. But the ladies at KNK are not like that and they accept me for me. But that is my goal for the rest of the year is to try and gain self-esteem adn self-confidence and I hope that someone will help me do that. We will see what happens next.